


Feverish Turmoil

by DerangedNova



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bad Cooking, Being a BITCH, Blue being a badass, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Don't worry about OC Tanner he's only in like the first chapter, F/M, Female Reader, Fights, Flirty moves, Fluff, Hopefully not too much, Magic being magical, Reader-Insert, Regrets, Steamy smooches, Swearing, Teasing, The rest are for our skelefriends ;), being sick, exposing secrets, ignorance, shouting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2018-12-07 08:18:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11619621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DerangedNova/pseuds/DerangedNova
Summary: You're sick in bed. Now you're surrounded by skeletons. How crazy can life get?





	1. Insignificantly Ailing

You feel awful. Nausea so bad you can hardly keep down water, 102-degree fever, a pounding headache, and you're stuck in bed while your older brother takes care of you. Besides feeling unbelievably terrible, it's not so bad. Tanner has to do everything you ask him to do, and let's not lie, you've taken advantage of that plenty. It's been three days, and there are no signs of you getting any better. So it's just been a constant cycle of you messing with Tanner, he (reluctantly) brings you medicine and something to eat, you throw it up, then you choke down water with more medicine and pray to God it doesn't come back up. Your brother is the best, so he tolerates your daily shit like a pro.

 

On the first day you started feeling sick, you had called Tanner to pick up more painkillers at the store for you. He dropped everything he was doing in his own life and brought them over to your house immediately. Holding a glass of water and two pills, he walked over to you sitting innocently in a chair, and you unceremoniously threw up all over him. But instead of getting mad, he forced you into bed and said he would be there for as long as he needed to be until you felt better. He left water, another pill, crackers, and an empty trash can on your nightstand and floor, saying he was going to be right back. When he returned, it was with a popsicle, fever medication, and an ice pack. The icy treat was more for comfort, being as you just vomited it back up, but the thought counts all the same and it soothed your headache slightly. You couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day without taking the risk.

 

The next day, you had gotten bored doing nothing in your bed in the dark. Your phone would just hurt your head more, you weren't sleepy, and you were hella drugged up on all kinds of medicine. Tanner was in the other room on the phone with his girlfriend, talking about that day's events and laughing occasionally. Ugh, couples being all sappy and shit. GAG.

 

“TANNER!” you yelled. Something clattered on the floor before you heard shuffling and he appeared in your doorway.

 

“Yeah?” he said, looking at you expectantly.

 

“Yoooooouuuuuuu gotta cruuuuuuuuush!” you giggled and pointed at him. He stared back at you, expression deadpan. Then out of nowhere, he threw a pillow at you and smirked, turning to leave.

 

“No wait don't leave I actually need something!” You stopped him again, and you had to think hard about what you needed because that was totally a lie.

 

“Oh, it's okay if you don't need anything, (Y/n), I don't blame you for being  _ jealous _ that I have a girlfriend and  _ you don't, _ ” he teased.

 

Pfffft, like you cared if you were in a relatio- WAAAAIT BACK UP.

 

“HEEEEEYYY! I’m as straight as a stick, I don't  _ like girls _ , I like  _ guys _ , like you did in middle school,” you said casually. You heard distant laughter somewhere, and you were confused when neither you nor Tanner was laughing. He looked pale in the dim light from the hallway, eyes wide but he was smiling. He lifted his hand to the side of his face and spoke. Ohhh, that was his phone.

 

“Taylor… I'll call you back.” He sighed. “Yes, I was gay in middle school.” More distant and staticky laughter. “I'll text you later. Bye. I love you, too. Okay, bye.”

 

“Fluff my pillow, bitch,” you said, giggling madly before abruptly passing out. Hey, you weren't sleepy, but you were exhausted.

 

Aaaaaand that was how you accidentally exposed your brother about his experimental sexuality to his girlfriend.

 

Today, being nauseous wasn't the big problem. No, it’s a migraine that stabs you in the head every time you move it. You've already taken several doses of Tylenol this morning, which really doesn't feel like it's doing its job. The only activity that isn't painful is staring at one spot on the ceiling in the dark. And it is  _ so _ not fun, especially after hours of it.

 

Then you remember that Tanner bought you popsicles. You could actually enjoy them today! It'll definitely help you, cold stuff like that always does.

 

“Tanner?” you weakly call out, wincing despite how quiet you're talking. Maybe he couldn't hear you all the way from the living room. Apparently, he knows what you're thinking like he has sick sister mind telepathy powers because he came running in with a frozen treat and napkins in his hands. You smile as he hands the items to you.

 

“Figured this would be safe, you haven't thrown up on me all day,” he smiles back at you, but then it falters. “I have to go to work now-” haha, you don't have to work, “-because I can't take any more time off, so you'll be alone for a while. Call only if it's an absolute emergency, like if you're dying. You should try to get some sleep. I'll see you later, lil sis.” With that, you munch on your favorite flavor of popsicle because Tanner just knows you so well, and he exits the room. Only to come back with water and medicine to set it on the table. How sweet. He waves goodbye and you faintly hear the front door shut.

 

You're alone now. Maybe you should try to get some sleep.

 

\---

 

You're falling. You're falling and you can't stop it.

 

But instead of hitting the floor because you accidentally rolled off the bed (damn, you haven't done that since you were like, nine), a pair of sturdy arms catch you. The strong scent of mustard assaults you, and you look up to Tanner in a daze, about to question several things.

 

Except it's not your brother.

 

It's a motherfucking skeleton.

 

“AHHHOLYSHIT!!” you squeal and struggle against bony arms in a leather jacket. You may be slightly delusional, but you're smart enough to know that FANDOM VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS SHOULD NOT BE COMING TO LIFE.

 

“whoa, sweetheart, chill. i saved ya. you should appreciate that,” a deep, gravelly voice purrs. His grip on you tightens as he pulls you even closer to him, a dangerous smirk on his face and gold tooth glinting even without a proper light source. “if ya don’t stop squirming, i’ll have ta restrain ya. go ahead and keep going, though.”

 

aaaaahhhHHHHHHHH

 

“What the fuck, you're not real, you're not real, you're not _fucking_ _real!”_ you yelp in a panic, but you do stop struggling out of fear. Instead, you cower into a ball in his arms, covering your face with your hands. Because you're just a _little_ freaked out. It's not like he just threatened you in a rapey kind of way, not to mention appear out of _fucking_ _nowhere_. You’re head hurts like a bitch too.

 

How is this even happening right now?!

 

“think what ya want. let’s go now,” Red (as you call him) says.

 

“Wait, wha-”

 

Your words are cut off as you lurch in one direction, and your hands move to grasp Red’s shirt. Oohhh no, your nausea is coming back in strong. Everything is dark and lifeless until his feet touch ground, and you see that you’re in a bedroom. Apparently Red can teleport between universes because this certainly looks like his room. Technically, it looks like Sans’s room, but edgier and redder.

 

Red sets you down, and you unload all over his front. You smile sheepishly up at him and shrug. “Sorry.”

 

“fuck, i knew teleporting was bad, but fer  _ that  _ ta happen?” he frowns at the new stains on his red sweater and leather jacket.

 

“Dude, I’m sick, what did you expect?” you announce before flopping onto his bed. You give zero flying fucks because this is basically your favorite version of a Sans equivalent.

 

“not this,” he mumbles before hastily peeling off both his jacket and shirt and throwing it in a corner. Suddenly he freezes.

 

You have a perfect view of his exposed ribcage, which is heavily scarred, and you find the intense urge to touch it. You slink closer to the edge to the bed, watching him like a predator does prey. You get closer. You lift a hand up and reach-

 

“sonova bitch!” Red swears and slams his fist into a nearby dresser, causing you to flinch back. He turns to you, completely oblivious of your plans. “sweetheart, i really need ya to be quiet now.”

 

“You just screamed and punched that dresser loud enough for the whole world to hear and you want me to be quiet?” you question, taking a few strides forward. When all you get is a scowl, you change your wording. “What’s wrong?”

 

“...we’re not at the right place.” Step. “i, uh, may have been drinkin’ before this-” Step. “-and that may be why i was even at your house-” Step. “-and i may have brought us to the wrong location, and i-”

 

“So you’re saying you fucked up?” you interrupt him, taking another step closer.

 

“gee, way ta be blunt.” Step. You’re right in front of him now. “what’re ya doin’?” he looks down at you, and you honestly can’t tell what’s in his expression.

 

“Why would I have to be quiet?” you ask, then you poke his sternum. You hear his breath hitch. You decide to grab onto a rib. Haha, you dirty little rebel, you. He starts panting, his cheekbones tinting crimson. “It’s not like there’s any other universe that’s as dang-”

 

“i-i said shu-”

 

But then the door was opening.

 

“edge? you better not have-” a voice much like Red’s only not as gruff starts then stops. Well whaddya know? It’s none other than Comic Sans himself. “uh…”

 

“Oh, this is the part where we are supposed to be super embarrassed because we just got caught doing something sexual and the person who busted us is jealous,” you say nonchalantly. You offer an innocent smile to him before sliding your hand down the remainder of Red’s ribs, catching your fingers in each dip until your hand drops by your side. He lets out a low moan that sounds downright feral and he starts shuddering.

 

“the fuck?” Sans blushes, his face turning bright blue, and he looks between you two for a few seconds before settling on Red. Hah. Totally jealous. “edge,  _ who  _ is that?”

 

Red seems to be off in his own land, so you answer for him. “His name is Red, not Edge. Edge is his brother.”

 

“excuse me?” Sans gawks as if you’d told him something very offensive. “no, he is edge, and  _ fell  _ is his brother.”

 

“Oh my God, I just  _ had  _ to be in a universe where they have the nicknames all wrong.” You cradle your head with your thumb and finger. It’s to emphasize your annoyance, but now that the fun parts of conversation are over you can feel the pain in your head a whole lot worse.

 

“wha- no- who the fuck are you?” he blurts, quickly losing his patience. You’d say that’s pretty impressive, since the center of most of his magic is based on that.

 

“I’m (Y/n),” you answer.

 

“um... ok, (y/n), what are you doing here?” Sans narrows his eye sockets at you. That was far too entertaining to watch.

 

“You’re gonna have to ask  _ Red _ here. Oh,  _ Red,  _ why did you kidnap me from my home and take me here?” you say with annoyance because damn it  _ that is his name. _

 

“wait, he  _ kidnapped you? _ ” Sans repeats, and you nod.

 

Red doesn’t answer and is definitely not looking any better. You probably really  _ rattled  _ him. Then you just left him like that. Oh well, he deserves it for being an asshole. He didn’t ask you for your name.

 

“Just kinda, snetched me right up. Saved me from hitting the floor though, I was falling out of my bed,” you explain as you move back towards Red’s bed. You really need to lie down. “Do you have any Ibuprofen? That would be great.”

 

“why do you need pain reliever? did he hurt you?” Sans inquires, gesturing to Red. It appears he fell asleep standing up.

 

You shake your head. “‘m sick. Headache and threw up all over Red. That’s why he’s shirtless.”

 

To your surprise, Sans starts chuckling. “well, he definitely deserved that.”

 

“Yeah, ha-ahahaha…” you grimace. It hurt to laugh.

 

“sorry, kid, we don’t got any.”

 

“Ffffffuuuuuuuck,” wailing, you curl in on yourself. Maybe now’s a good time for a nap.

 

“we have healing magic, though.”

 

You cease your pained noises and tilt your head up to look at him. Oh, and he’s not in the doorway anymore, he’s right next to you with a big stupid grin on his face. “You can perform healing magic?”

 

Sans shrugs. “more or less. i’m not as great as papyrus, but it’s good enough to soothe the pain.”

 

“Sure, why not.” You sprawl out on the bed, and Sans tentatively puts his phalanges on your head. He starts massages it slowly, glowing green magic oozing from his fingertips. You absolutely  _ melt, _ leaning into his hands. It feels so wonderful, so pleasantly warm and almost all of the pain is gone already. The feeling seems to intensify, and a small, breathy moan slips past your lips.

 

Sans laughs again. “heh, guess i’m better than i thought i was.” You hum in agreement.

 

A few minutes after that, he takes his hands away, the green fading, but you quickly grab his wrist. “Wait, nausea, cure,” you murmur, guiding his hand to your belly and nodding reassuringly when he hesitates.

 

You weren’t expecting him to lift your shirt up. Talk about going all the way. He places a hand on either side of your navel and the green magic starts flowing again. O-oh, this feels… different.

 

“Aahhh!” you squirm under his touch.

 

“do you... want me to stop?” Based on the tone of his voice,  _ he  _ didn’t want to stop.

 

“N-no,” you breathe, and he picks up where he left off. It still felt soothing, but there was just… something more, something you couldn’t quite describe. His hands explore your exposed skin, every touch like fire and leaving you breathless. When… when did Sans climb on top of you? He’s straddling you, hovering close above you. One hand is clutching your waist, the other tangled in your hair. Is there even anymore healing magic? Oh and now you’re kissing him. Okay. Your hands move to grasp the front of his hoodie, and you part your lips for his tongue that has been pushing for entrance. You sneak your hands under his clothing, lightly running your hands over his ribs, and he groans against your mouth, tightening his grip on you and drawing you closer.

 

He soon pulls his face away and rests it on your shoulder, and you take this time to breathe. The air catches in your throat and you squeak when he licks your clavicle. Then you think of something.

 

“Sa-ans,” you try to speak and you sound so undone.

 

“yes?” You can  _ feel _ his grin on your neck. He sounds so fucking pleased with himself. Ha, not for long.

 

You put your hands on his shoulders and gently push him off you. He allows you to do so, not resisting. Once you had your personal space back, you sit up and look at him. “I want to try some Nice Cream.”

 

“heh, uh, ok, sure. we keep a few in the freezer here, so, i’ll just… grab one for you real quick. yeah,” he says before he teleports away. That obviously wasn’t what he expected to hear, and you were glad. Revenge is a dish best served  _ cold. _ Revenge for what or why, you don’t know, but it just seemed right.

 

You look over at the Red who is still sleep-standing. How do these skeletons do that? You pick up a pillow from behind you and chuck it at him. Except it hit Sans because he shortcut back into the room, which neither of you were expecting, so he tumbles back from the impact and lands on top of Red, who awoke with a scream when he hit the ground. You start laughing at what you accidentally caused, stumbling over to them to pick up the Nice Cream Sans dropped.

 

“O-oh damn, I-I ship it so hard! OTP!” you chortle, and when those words left your mouth, both of the guys scrambled away from each other as fast as they could with varying degrees of disgust in their voice and their respective blush painted on their face.

 

“fuck to the no!” “eugh, not with  _ him! _ ”

 

_ I still ship it, _ you think as you open up your Nice Cream. You read what’s written on the wrapper. “‘Is this as sweet as you?’ Aww, I love these already!” you gush. Sans mumbles something along the lines of “hell no it isn’t,” and Red is still cursing from the things that happened in the past thirty seconds since he woke up.

 

Delaying long enough, you pull your frozen treat out of the wrapper. And just your luck, it’s a fucking blue popsicle. You smirk because this opportunity is waaayy too good to pass up. Staring directly into Sans’s eyes, you lick up the side it from the bottom. He successfully turns a shade of navy blue before he covers his face with his hands.

 

“oh, stars, no,” he whispers. You glance at Red and see that you’re getting a similar reaction out of him. Except for the fact that he’s watching intently. ...Creepy. You do it again and this time he shudders and curls in on himself on the floor. Heh, that was fun, but you think you’ve sexually frustrated those two long enough, so you walk past them to the door to… a giant hallway with tons of other doors on either side. So you’re not in Underfell. Your best guess would be the multiverse, except it’s the house floating in like, the void or something. You don’t really know, but it’s a place where the Sans equivalents all hang out and they bring along their brothers too if they want.

 

You listen closely, and sure enough, faint yelling could be heard to your right. So that’s exactly where you go because absolutely nothing could go wrong when approaching a wild pack of skeletons!


	2. Misconducted Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue and Razz disagree. Four skeletons cook for you.

“Whazzup, bitches!!” you scream as you dramatically enter a large living room. Nine skeletons direct their attention to you, their argument about which dinner dish is better seemingly over.

 

“WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, HUMAN!” the smol skele known as Blue glares at you from beside a couch.

 

Le gasp! “Oh my God, it's  _ the _ Blueberry!” You sprint over to him and give him a big hug, pointedly ignoring everyone else. He ‘mweh’s in response before returning your embrace enthusiastically.

 

“OH, I ALREADY FORGIVE YOU, HUMAN!!! I CAN'T STAY MAD AT SOMEONE WHO IS THIS EAGER TO GIVE HUGS!” Ahh he's too damn cute!

 

“why is a human here?” one of the Sanses ask.

 

“i don't know,” says another Sans.

 

“I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF IT WAS MY BROTHER WHO DRAGGED THAT FILTH IN HERE,” a voice you definitely know says, and you break away from Blue to face the other.

 

“Edge! It is so  _ not  _ nice to meet you, but I look forward to you torturing me for the time I am here!” You walk over to him and hold out your hand. The tall, edgy skeleton looks at it as if it were dirt, but he does take it. Only to painfully twist your arm around. “Ow ow ow ow that was a joke please don't actually hurt me!”

 

“MY NAME IS FELL, YOU INSOLENT CRETIN,” he glares down at you, then releases your arm.

 

“No, it is not!  _ You _ are Edge and your brother is Red!” You turn away from him before you see his incredulous look and storm towards a couch before he can grab you again. The skeletons on a green couch quickly scoot or stand up out of your way, and you plop down onto it like you own the place. It's very comfortable. These guys won’t mind you sticking around, will they?

 

“uh, are we really just going with this?” the first Sans says, looking at everyone but you. 

 

You look up at him - oh he's from Dancetale - and answer for him. “Of course we are, Dance! Also, in my opinion, I think tacos are best for dinner.” Knowing that you quite possibly started a war, you glance at everyone for their reactions.

 

Edge, Blue, Razz, and Papyrus all gasp. Dance gapes at you. Horror looks insane, digging at his empty eye socket and staring you down. Ink smirks at you from across the room. Slim is lounging on another couch with Stretch, smoking and not really paying much attention. Or are they just being sneakily perceptive, ready to strike you down if the need of it came to protect their brothers and/or everyone else? Probably the latter, if you were being honest with yourself. Best to be careful.

 

“YES!! MWEH HEH! I KNEW TACOS WERE THE GREATEST!” Blue grins triumphantly at the others, all with varying expressions of annoyance and defeat.

 

“you go, bro,” calls Stretch from his place, raising a fist in the air.

 

“B-BUT I WAS SO SURE THAT SPAGHETTI WAS THE GREATEST MEAL TO HAVE AT DINNER!” Papyrus sputters. Ouch, he sounds really upset. You'll have to apologize to him later unless you want an ass kicking from Sans. Also, you just feel a little bad. Precious cinnamon rolls should not be harmed.

 

“but how does she know our names?” Dance chimes in, but no one is paying any attention to him.

 

“ALL OF YOU HAVE SUCH HORRIBLE TASTE IN FOOD,” Razz snarls, crossing his arms across his chest. Jealous  _ and _ salty.

 

“LASAGNA IS BY FAR THE GREATEST DISH, AND NO WEAK HUMAN SUCH AS THAT ONE-” Edge points to you, “-CAN JUST DECLARE THAT  _ TACOS  _ ARE! BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT!!”

 

“Hey, I take offense to that,” you interrupt his ranting.

 

“I DON’T CARE!” he turns, screaming back at you. He seems angry, but also confused. “WHO EVEN ARE YOU? HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!”

 

“Thank you so much for asking what my name is, and so politely too,” you smile up at him, purely to annoy him further. “I’m (Y/n). And you were right about your brother. He just kinda picked me up and dropped me off here. I don’t really mind it though, it’s awesome here. Way better than my life. And I’m not sick anymore,” you remark, relaxing further into the couch. It’d be nice to take a nap right about now.

 

“Fucking hell, Sans,” Edge murmurs to himself, so that Blue wouldn’t hear, you guess. Hahaha someone's in trouble.

 

“wait, what do you mean, you’re ‘not sick anymore’?” Horror says something for the first time and he sounds pretty suspicious. What, is it illegal to be sick now or something?

 

“Ugh I haaaaaaate repeating myself,” you take a deep breath. “Red kidnapped me-”

 

“EDGE. HIS NAME. IS EDGE.” You slowly turn your head towards the real Edge, NOT FELL, and you could feel your patience running out as he glowers right back down at you. The fucking  _ nerve _ of this guy.

 

“RED!” you yell as loud as you can at Edge, “kidnapped me when I was sick. High fever, nausea, headache. I threw up on him. Sans found me and healed me. End of story,” you explain your thrilling tale to the others and settle back down on the couch. But oh man, the look on Edge’s face. It’s like he wants to rip your throat out.

 

“which sans?” Ink spoke up from his place leaning against the wall. You could see a green question mark in his left socket and blue triangle in the other. The way he works is so fascinating!

 

“Oh, um…” You wrack your brain for the nicknames that Sans has because you’re used to only calling him that. “Comic. Classic. Whatever you guys call original Sans.”

 

Ink blinks and the shapes change. The new ones suit his look of surprise. “comic healed you and you feel fine?”

 

But you can't answer that because Papyrus starts speaking.

 

“MY BROTHER HEALED YOU?? OH, I AM SO PROUD OF HIM! HE REALLY CAN DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN NOTHING!!!” That sounded a lot meaner than you think he realizes, but no one points it out. It’s kinda... completely true. He does look very happy and proud, anyway.

 

“WELL GOOD FOR HIM, HE DESERVES A FUCKING MEDAL FOR HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS,” Razz adds sarcastically, rolling his eye lights.

 

“RAZZ, PLEASE DO NOT USE SUCH LANGUAGE!” Blue chides him, but Razz just raises both middle fingers right in his face and opens his mouth to retort. Oh dang, shit’s about to go down. Some popcorn right about now would complement this situation very well. And look at that, a bowl of popcorn surrounded in violet magic is floating its way towards you. You make eye contact with Slim and nod in thanks, then proceed to stuff your face, watching what's in front of you intently. Things like this must happen a lot for him to be prepared like this.

 

“FUCK! BASTARD! DAMN! FAGGOT! SHIT! BITCH! DICK! ASS! CU-” Suddenly he’s thrown down to the ground and held in place with blue magic. Heh, maybe Stretch got sick of him teasing his bro and decided to cut this short. But when you look over at him, he's just got this smug smile on his face, watching the scene and not doing anything at all. Then who-?

 

“MWEH! ENOUGH! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS!” Daaaaaaammmn looks like little Blueberry isn’t so defenseless. His left hand is raised, obviously the one performing magic on Razz who is struggling against the gravity.

 

“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! LET ME GO!” Razz hisses at him, his limbs twitching as he tries to get up again. Blue put more force in his magic, rendering the other motionless.

 

“NOT UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE AND ASK NICELY,” Blue glowers down at him. Razz throws even more profanities at him, and with each one, the magic seemed to be pressing down stronger. You eventually notice the others around you betting on how long it would take Razz to give in, and you weren’t about to skip that train into town.

 

“45 seconds,” you mumble to Edge who is now sitting next to you. If he hadn't moved, he would've been right the middle of that fight. With how it's going right now, you wouldn't be surprised if Razz gives up sooner.

 

He scoffs at you, but whispers back, “Five minutes.”

 

You look up at him, taken aback. He’s giving Razz  _ a lot _ of time. He is stubborn and arrogant and mean and several other negative things, but surely he knows when he's lost. Edge just smirks and silently communicates with the others in the room. Ink, Horror, and Dance all look thoroughly amused. Slim, Stretch, and Papyrus talk quietly with one another, passing around snacks to everyone.

 

Your 45 seconds pass. Razz is still at it.

 

Two minutes pass. Blue grows more and more frustrated. Cyan sweat runs down his skull trying to keep Razz from thrashing around so much.

 

Four minutes pass. Blue is still standing his ground, determined to get what he wanted out of Razz who is under so much magical strain he can only gasp for air, not even attempting to move anymore. Seeing this, Blue loosens his hold on him. Razz death glares everyone in the room, muttering something about “fucking useless assholes watching me suffer and not giving a shit about me.” That just earns him to be slammed against the floor again. You laugh obnoxiously at that and everyone in the room casts their attention to you for a good few seconds, expressions varying from ‘pissed off’ to ‘what the fuck.’ You shrug and point at Razz who almost escaped with your distraction, but he couldn't get much farther than crawling a few feet away from Blue. He throws him to the floor again, face down. This is one violent Blue.

 

Ten minutes pass before Razz finally stops being so stubborn and apologizes to Blue. He smiles wide, back to his bright, happy self. “THAT WASN’T SO HARD, NOW WAS IT?” Stretch won the bet, earning himself three bottles of honey and 200 G.

 

Razz just stares daggers into every inch of Blue’s body before he turns. “I’M GOING TO MAKE ENCHILADAS,” he announces, and he starts trudging to a different room. Probably the kitchen.

 

“Wait, I’m coming too, I could eat,” you say before springing up and following right after him. But before either of you took two steps, you felt yourself crashing to the ground, the gravity heavy on your soul. So that’s what that feels like. You moan when you hit the floor because that kinda hurt. Like, a lot.

 

“ABSOLUTELY. NOT,” Razz growls, not even facing you. Bitch used his blue magic on you! Even after he was assaulted with it for  _ ten minutes! _ “YOU CLEARLY LIKE TACOS, SO WHY WOULD YOU WANT  _ MY _ FOOD?”

 

“Yeah I like tacos, but I like enchiladas too. Same goes for spaghetti and lasagna,” you gesture with a nod of your head (instead of your hands because you can't fucking move them) to the others who have settled down slightly. Stretch is waving his prizes around in the air victoriously, and- awwww you see he gave half of his gold winnings to Blue! They’re such a sweet brotherly pair.

 

“WAIT. HUMAN, YOU ENJOY… ALL OF THIS FOOD?” Papyrus asks, cocking his head to the side.

 

“Well, sure. There’s no rule that says you can only like one food,” you shrug as best as you can from your position.

 

“BUT WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE THE MOST?” Blue questions before shooting Razz a warning look. The feeling in your chest subsides, and you cautiously stand up, eyeing the hostile monster. He just looks so done with everything. You can relate.

 

“I don’t know, I can’t pick one. They’re all pretty good,” you really do ponder for a moment, but you can't make a final decision. It's like trying to decide which of the four Hogwarts houses are the best. Oh wait, it's Gryffindor, and tacos. All the way. “Never mind. It's still tacos.”

 

At this point, you were simply trying to appease Blue and annoy everyone else.

 

“HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT! TACOS ARE MESSY AND- AND- STUPID!” Razz argues with his very logical reasoning, and he receives another dirty look from Blue.

 

“I BET THAT IF YOU JUST TRY MY SPAGHETTI, YOU'LL LOVE IT EVEN MORE THAN ANY TACO YOU'VE EATEN!” Papyrus says, voice hopeful and… excited?

 

“NO, SHE WILL LOVE MY LASAGNA EVEN MORE THAN  _ ANYTHING _ SHE HAS EVER EATEN, AND I WILL PROVE IT,” Edge objects, glaring at Papyrus, Razz, and Blue. He stands up and starts moving in the direction that Razz was going a few minutes ago.

 

“HEY, IF YOU GET TO COOK, THEN SO DO I!” Razz follows after him.

 

“ME TOO!!” Papyrus and Blue say at the same time, both sprinting after them.

 

“I'm going because I caaaaaannnn,” you drawl as you run to catch up with them, leaving the lazy ones behind. You don't know where the kitchen is, and you would hate to get lost in this place. Luckily, Blue and Razz aren't as fast as the taller skeletons who are out of sight, so you trail behind them until you get into the kitchen. Papyrus and Edge are there waiting patiently, which surprises you. You spot the fridge and tread towards it, opening it and pulling out a soda. Then you lean against it while you sip your Sprite. Because why not?

 

You notice everyone's stare on you. “What? A girl can't enjoy a soda?”

 

Edge’s look of disgust and anger changes when he faces the others and speaks. “I SUPPOSE WE WILL HAVE A COMPETITION THEN?” He leers at everyone, a dangerous glint in his eyes. Something about that makes you want to run away as fast as you can. With what you know about Papyruses, a cooking competition is quite possibly the very last thing you want. The others stare at him hard as if daring him to say anything else.

 

“THEN IT’S SETTLED. WE SHALL COOK FOR THIS PATHETIC HUMAN AND SHE WILL DETERMINE WHICH OF OUR DISHES IS THE BEST,” Edge affirms.

 

“I thought you said my opinion is irrelevant, Edge,” you smirk at him. “Or are you already warming up to me?”

 

“SILENCE! THIS IS ONLY BECAUSE YOU INSIST THAT TACOS ARE GREAT AND I AM GOING TO PROVE YOU WRONG! AND MY NAME IS  **FELL!** ” he bellows, but even being all scary and loud can’t hide the crimson dusting his cheekbones. Aww, he's tsundere.

 

“Whatever you say, Edge,” you walk over to him and smile as you reach up to boop his nasal bone, then you poke all over his face because it’s so pointy and you’re curious. Then you take a few steps back. He looks so personally offended, his sockets wide and mouth hanging open, and you can't help but giggle at his expression. You managed to make his crimson blush darker. Flustered skeletons are the best skeletons.

 

“YOU...! YOU-!”

 

“Now!” you began, turning away and ignoring Edge’s protests. You slosh a little bit of Sprite on your arm and on the floor. “Oops… I’ll just ignore that. I think you each should get an hour and a half to prepare your meal, and then I’ll eat it and judge it. Sound good?”

 

You glance at everyone momentarily for any questions or concerns, and Papyrus and Blue just nod to your previous statement. You take a swig from your soda. “No sabotaging, I'll be watching. Okay, and go!”

 

You reach into your pants pocket, but you find it empty. It's now that you realize you don't have your phone. You must've left it at home on the table. You’ve been having so much  _ skele-fun _ that you didn’t even notice the thing your life depends on isn’t with you! You still need to know the time, though.

 

“Hey, can I borrow someone's phone? I don't have mine and I need to set a timer, or at least figure out what time it is,” you ask as chaos starts to reign in front of you. Papyrus stops searching for vegetables and tosses his phone to you, which you do catch - even though you drop your beverage. Oh well, it was basically empty. “Thanks, Papyrus!”

 

“YOU ARE WELCOME, (Y/N)!” he beams at you before returning to his task.

 

You wake the screen and you see it's 4:37 pm. Instead of doing simple math, you go to the timer, punch in the numbers, and press start. Easy peasy. Now to walk around like that guy on Chopped and ask about the food. The guys have each claimed their own section of the giant countertop, and you take a few seconds to really look at the kitchen. There are about eight stoves along with a bajillion cabinets and storage space, and a pantry near the back is full of food. How did they get it all here?

 

Obscure questions aside, you stop by Blue who is the closest to you. “Hey Blue, how's it going over here?”

 

“WONDERFUL, (Y/N)!” he replies as he cuts his vegetables. “SINCE YOU ALREADY LIKE TACOS SO MUCH, I KNOW FOR SURE THAT I'M GOING TO WIN! I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO TRY  _ MY _ TACOS! PAPY SAYS THEY'RE INDESCRIBABLE!”

 

Despite always wanting to try the Papyrus equivalents’ food, you are terrified. If it's as bad as you think it's going to be, you'll just get sick again or possibly die. Why did you even agree to this?

 

“I can't wait, Blue,” you smile for his sake and move on to the next skeleton. But first you take a detour to the fridge because you want another drink. You’re not quite sure how they get soda down here, but you find that you don’t really care. You snatch a Mountain Dew hidden in the back (you’re not sorry for taking the last one), and that’s when you hear glass shattering.

 

Popping the top and closing the refrigerator door, you quickly see that the source of the commotion was Edge. He’s gripping the neck of a jagged glass bottle. You sigh and slowly make your way over to him. Upon your arrival you’re horrified at the amount of vinegar and glass in his skillet. Why is he even putting vinegar in it? “Um, Edge? Need any more vinegar for that?”

 

“BE QUIET, HUMAN, I DON'T NEED YOUR SARCASM. I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.” He doesn't spare a second to even look at you. Or correct his name. Maybe you're finally getting through to them.

 

“Well, okay. But don't you think your lasagna could do without the glass? That seems just a teensy bit unsafe, and if that's going to be in it, I won't eat it.”

 

“WHAT?!” Edge yells and abandons his cooking to approach you. It’s honestly intimidating. You hide behind your soda as you sip it, refusing to look at him “WHY NOT?? IT WON'T BE FAIR IF YOU DON'T TRY MY COOKING!”

 

“Because I am a fragile, weak human who can never be as strong as you, and I'll die if I eat shards of glass,” you're pretty sure you'll die either way, but you might as well satisfy his ego. It seemed to work.

 

“...THAT IS TRUE. IT SIMPLY WON'T DO FOR YOU TO EAT MY FOOD AND THEN NOT BE ALIVE TO TELL EVERYONE HOW GREAT IT IS. VERY WELL.” He walks towards the pantry and you take that as your cue to progress. Papyrus is next, and he's covered in sauces of various vegetables. He's mixing something in a large pot.

 

“Looks good, Papyrus,” you comment, peering into the pot. It is most certainly not looking good, but it really could be worse.

 

“THANK YOU, HUMAN,” he says, only half paying attention to you. But then he looks at you, expression eerily serious. “HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME WHEN I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU YET? AND SOME OF THE OTHERS, TOO? IT’S LIKE YOU KNOW US ALREADY.”

 

The questions took you off guard. Papyrus is a lot more perceptive than people give him credit for. “Uh, lucky guess…?” you lamely respond. You can tell he doesn't buy it, but he goes back to stirring what you hope is spaghetti noodles in a saucy mixture.

 

“OH, ALRIGHT.” You take this to be the end of the conversation and hastily move to see what Razz is doing. Somehow he's already gotten most of what he's cooking together. It basically looks done. Maybe it is; you don’t know how to make enchiladas. You check the time, and see that over an hour has passed. Time sure does fly by when you’re fearing for your life.

 

“Ayy, Razz, what’s up?” you slide up next to him like a jock would to a pretty girl in high school movies.

 

“SPARE ME YOUR PETTY CONVERSATIONS, HUMAN. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT,” Razz says, adding something to the top of the dish as a garnish.

 

“Nice to see you, too. You done?” you ask as he steps back, surveying his enchiladas thoughtfully. But he just ignores you, and you notice everyone else is finished too. “Oh, well, okay, I’ll just follow you, then.”

 

You proceed to follow Edge who already started moving to another room. It’s empty except for a big table with some chairs haphazardly pushed into the sides of it. You take a seat on the end, and four plates are promptly set in front of you. The smell of all the poorly cooked foods is rancid and you want to gag. You look up helplessly at the skeletons, already overwhelmed, but they gaze back at you expectantly. Papyrus and Blue are vibrating with excitement.

 

“TRY MINE FIRST!!” Papyrus implores, pushing his plate of spaghetti closer to you. You smile nervously up at him before reluctantly picking up a fork and twirling a few strands on it.

 

_ It’s alright, I can do this, I’m brave, it’s just magic food, I can totally do this! JUST GO FOR IT _

 

You shove the forkful of spaghetti in your mouth. Regrets regrets regrets regrets  _ so many regrets. _ What the fuck were you thinking when you said you wanted to try their food? The noodles are overcooked, and the taste is bland yet too sweet. After a few chews, it dissolves in your mouth. Monster food is really weird, but you’re glad it was over quickly.

 

“WHAT DO YOU THINK?!” he asks earnestly.

 

The aftertaste is even worse, and you take a sip of your Mountain Dew to try and dilute it. It helps a little, but you don’t have very much left.

 

“I will save all of my comments for after I’ve had a sample of each dish,” you reply, struggling very much not to make a face.

 

“YOU’RE EATING MINE NEXT,” Razz demands, sliding his plate in place of the spaghetti. A very spicy aroma hits your nostrils. Oh good, you just loooove spicy food.

 

You slice off a small portion and as soon as the mush hit your tongue, your mouth was on fire. This you couldn’t hide. Your eyes start watering and your hands shake. It’s like he knew he’s terrible at cooking and covers up the horrible flavors with spice. You can’t even say it’s too spicy because that’ll count as a comment and you just said you wouldn’t give any until the end.

 

“IT’S TOO BAD YOU’RE UPSET ABOUT EATING THIS BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER GET TO EAT ANY OF MY COOKING AGAIN. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN,” Razz chortles, obviously taking your pain in the wrong way. It’s fine by you that he took it that way.

 

“HERE ARE MY TACOS!!” Blue exclaims happily as he pushes aside the other plates.

 

Oh, dear Lord, save you.

 

He really does. He really does put pink glitter in his tacos. Which is partially burnt, if you so kindly add. You hands are still shaking from the fiery substance you ate (the heat didn’t die down when the food dissolved), now it’s with the fear of eating something that is meant to be inedible. You pick one up and take a bite before you set it back down. Besides the meat being charred and the gritty glitter, it’s not so bad. Though, anyone could chop up lettuce and tomatoes and stuff it in a shell, so…

 

“OF COURSE, WE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST,” Edge smirks at you, slamming the plate down and you’re surprised it didn’t break.

 

You glance down at the chunk of lasagna, then take a small sip of soda in hopes of washing down the glitter and the spice. “There’s no glass in this, right?”

 

He scoffs. “OF COURSE NOT. YOU ALREADY TOLD ME HUMANS CAN’T HANDLE THINGS LIKE THAT.”

 

With his affirmation, you decide to just get this over with fast. It took quite the effort to slice off a small bite. Your taste buds scream in protest. The acidity is more than you can handle, and he barely put any cheese on it. Who  _ doesn’t _ pile their lasagna with cheese? That’s what makes it good! And he clearly doesn’t know what al dente is because the pasta is far crunchier than it should be.

 

“SO!! WHO’S DID YOU LIKE BEST?” Blue chirps from beside you when you finish that bite. You turn your chair away from the food so that you’re facing all the guys. Papyrus looks hopeful. Razz is death glaring you. Edge is gripping a small bone weapon in his hand.

 

Oh, shit. This is the hard part that you totally forgot about while trying to survive that warzone.

 

You don’t want to break Papyrus or Blue’s metaphorical hearts, Edge would kill you if you don’t choose his, and Razz would throw a temper tantrum and then also kill you. There is no way out of this without hurting someone’s feelings.

 

No, wait, there is! You just have to pass out. You’ve done this before, it’ll be so easy. Hopefully it won’t hurt too bad when you fall to the ground. You very subtly hyperventilate and stand up to lock your knees. After a few seconds, you hold your breath and start critiquing, never take a breath in.

 

“Blue, Stretch was right about your tacos, they’re indescribable, and the texture was like none other. Razz, even though it was very spicy... it was good. Edge... your dish had such strong flavors… and… I...” You see stars and darkness grows around you. Who turned off the lights? Now you feel faint. Oh and now you’re falling. Ow the floor is hard, haha. There are voices somewhere in the distance. Mmm, you could go for a nap. You’re pretty tired. Why not?


	3. Vivacious Slumbering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Papyrus equivalents run around while you are unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol we all thought my updates were already slow. I just got a job. RIP me but enjoy this anyways I've been writing it forever it's about time I mean SERIOUSLY sorry about the wait. I'll try to get another chapter of the others too :3

“ARE YOU-? SHE'S FALLING!!” Tale sprints forward to catch you and save you from a devastating fall to the ground, but you hit the floor with a dull thud. He stops short in front of you and looks down, face fallen. Then he whips around to confront the suspected perpetrator. “EDGE! I MEAN FELL! WHAT DID YOU  _ DO?? _ ” He never liked you! Of course he’d commit such a heinous act!

 

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, HOW ABOUT WE CHANGE MY NAME TO EDGE SINCE EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE CALLING ME THAT NOW!!” Fell snaps, pissed that you just so happened to pass out after you ate his dish.

 

“PLEASE WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, EDGE!!” Blue says, glaring at the other before returning his concerned gaze to you. “IS (Y/N) OKAY...? I REALLY HOPE SHE IS!!” Really, really! You’re so affable and wonderful to be around!

 

“I WAS BEING SARCA-” Fell ((lol nope your name is Edge now, bitch)) cuts himself off then literally growls, clenching his fists at his sides because _ no one _ is even paying attention to him. No, instead they're swarming over  _ you _ , trying to prod you back to consciousness. Why the hell would they even want you up and running about, wreaking havoc and breaking things? Knowing he can’t do anything, he just stares daggers at all the bastards. He is merely seconds away from skewering them all, but he knows their brothers would be pissed, his not included.

 

“TALE, CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS? SHE NEEDS TO BE AWAKE TO TELL US _I_ WON!” Razz says coarsely , eyeing you with something akin to abhorrence and poking your cheek. It gives in to the pressure of his index phalange… Neat. Is the rest of you like that?

 

“I'M AFRAID NOT, THAT’S NOT HOW HEALING MAGIC WORKS,” Tale takes his hands off your head (which he healed because that fall left an appalling bump on it, but your hair is soft and smells very good, if he may politely add) and looks you over. “IT MAY BE A WHILE BEFORE SHE WAKES UP AGAIN. WE SHOULD TAKE HER TO-”

 

“NO!! UH, NO. WE COULD JUST, UM, KEEP HER HERE? AND TAKE CARE OF HER UNTIL SHE WAKES UP?” Blue suggests from the floor as he pets your arm. He decided he likes how it feels.

 

Edge rolls his eyes. “WHY ARE WE EVEN HELPING HER? SHE LOOKS FINE TO ME.” He didn't trust or even  _ like _ you at all, so it was ridiculous all the others wanted to help you. He understood Tale and Blue, but  _ Razz? _ Edge could see right through all of his disgusted expressions directed at you. And the way he's currently poking you  _ everywhere _ says something else.

 

“BECAUSE (Y/N) LOVED OUR COOKING AND IS NOW HURT AND WE NEED TO HELP HER!! IF YOU WON'T THEN I WILL!” Tale stops running his phalanges through your hair to try and glare at Edge. He's been told he just looks like an angry kitten, but he’ll surely perfect it someday!

 

“WELL, I'LL HELP HER TOO!!!!” Blue exclaims blithely, gripping your arm tightly.

 

“...” Razz gets a few incredulous looks when he doesn't make some snide remark or disagree on helping you, so he adds, “DON’T EXPECT ME TO ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO HELP,” He looks down again and continues poking you. It's not weird. So what he wants you to be  _ fine _ ? ‘Fine’ can mean a lot of different things, most of them particularly meaning not okay but subsisting and it's not the best but it sure is livable.  _ Kind of like my childhood.  _ Razz smiles bitterly, reminiscing about how completely awful it was.

 

“BUT SHE'S NOT EVEN HURT! YOU  _ JUST _ HEALED HER! SHE HAD ALL OF THAT MAGIC FOOD!!!” But Edge is once again ignored by everyone. He's going to get those fuckers back someday, and if you're going down with them, then so be it. He  _ does _ need revenge for what you did in the kitchen...

 

“OKAY, GREAT! BUT WE PROBABLY SHOULD TAKE HER SOMEWHERE MORE COMFORTABLE THAN THE DINING ROOM FLOOR,” Tale says, standing up and looking down at you once more.

 

“(Y/N) CAN STAY IN MY ROOM UNTIL SHE WAKES UP!!” Blue all but yells, nervously glancing at everyone for a few seconds. Not that he  _ should _ be nervous or anything. It's just a pretty human girl staying in his room until she's better. Nothing… nothing wrong with that at all. Oh, no is he bushing now?! Stop stop stop stop-!

 

“UM, OKAY, THAT WORKS,” Tale replies as he puts his gloves back on (why would he cook and serve food with his gloves on? Preposterous!). The others follow suit and then hover over you. You haven't stirred at all. Should Tale be worried about that? How active should humans be while… sleeping? Is that even the proper word? “SO-?”

 

“heya, guys,” a dark voice drifts down the hallway, very,  _ very _ near the entrance of the room.

 

Everyone screams internally for a few seconds before hiding your limp body under the enormous table and acting naturally. Edge is looking contemplatively to his left, away from everyone. Blue is smiling broadly, wringing his hands together in front of him. Razz has his arms crossed, studying the floor (angrily). Tale is posed with one leg in the air behind him and arms outstretched on either side of him. Death eyes the line of skeletons supposedly in some kind of pageant with a dead judge. This is (sadly) the most bizarre yet comedic thing he’s seen all day.

 

“i can see that human right there,” Death muses, pointing at your seemingly lifeless body with the hand that isn’t occupied with a giant scythe. Then he chuckles. He sure wasn't expecting to see this scene from these guys altogether (Razz and Fell, yes, but Tale and Blue in on it too? He wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it himself). “and i thought i was the only one who killed around here.”

 

“DAMN IT, TALE! YOU'RE AN IDIOT, WHY WOULD YOU ‘ACT NATURAL’ LIKE THAT?!” Edge seethes, glaring at him. Even  _ Blue  _ looks disappointed in him.

 

“RELAX, DEATH, SHE’S NOT DEAD. SHE JUST PASSED OUT AFTER SHE ATE OUR FOOD TO SAY WHICH IS THE BEST,” Razz clarifies for Death. He smirks proudly and whisper-yells to him, mostly because it's true, “IT’S MINE, SHE NEEDS TO WAKE UP TO SAY IT, THOUGH.”

 

“SHUT UP, RAZZ!! YOU DON'T KNOW THAT FOR SURE!” Blue stomps his foot. Razz is so full of himself all the time and Blue is so  _ sick _ of it! “I-I… I BET SHE LIKED YOURS THE LEAST!” There, he said it!

 

Razz opens his angry mouth to retort and give him a profanity-filled earful but gets cut short by Death.

 

“i don't wanna hear your drama, so shut up, yeah?” He gestures to you next. “it’s no wonder the poor girl is out cold. she ate your guys’ food?” Death observes the abandoned meals on the table. There’s barely even a nibble off from each one. He almost feels bad for you, but he feels worse for those psychologically damaged plates of food. “were you trying to kill her? i’m surprised it didn’t.”

 

“NO!! NOT AT ALL!” Tale shrieks, but then glances at Edge. “ALTHOUGH, EDGE MAY HAVE BEEN TRYING TO, (Y/N) FAINTED AFTER SHE ATE HIS LASAGNA…”

 

“I DIDN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!!  _ AND MY NAME IS FELL!!  _ IT FUCKING MAKES SENSE!! I’M FROM UNDER _ FELL _ JUST AS TALE IS FROM UNDER _ TALE!!!  _ THAT PATHETIC  _ BITCH _ ” - he furiously points at your inert form - “DOES  _ NOT _ HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT TO CHANGE MY NAME!!”

 

“ _ HOW _ MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO HAVE TO REPRIMAND YOU FOR USING LANGUAGE?! YOU AND RAZZ BOTH? I’M SO SICK OF IT!! THERE IS NO NEED TO USE THAT FOUL LANGUAGE AND I CA-” 

 

“i thought i said i didn't want to hear your fucking **drama** .” Death’s eye lights flicker out, but his macabre tone was enough to shut the others up and make them tremble where they stand.

 

“...Y-Y-YOU KNOW WHAT, D-DEATH? YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE IN H-HERE TO LISTEN TO OUR DRAMA. YOU CAN ALWAYS GO TO A-ANOTHER R-ROOM…” Blue squeaks, growing more and more anxious with each word he spoke. He wouldn’t be surprised if he actually shrank down a few inches just from how small he feels right now. Death (and three other stupefied skeletons) slowly turn their skulls to Blue. He suddenly thinks he shouldn’t have done that and that he is royally screwed, judging by Death’s grim stare.

 

Death merely guffaws, shattering his usual icy demeanor. “ha! you should’ve seen all your faces. priceless! ight, see ya guys around.” And then he careens carelessly out of the room.

 

“...WE’RE NOT EVEN THAT DRAMATIC…” Razz growls when the malicious skeleton’s laughs couldn’t be heard anymore.

 

“THAT’S A LIE AND YOU KNOW IT,” Edge grumbles, still shaken by recent events. Death is one creepy motherfucker.

 

“A-ANYWAYS,” Tale says. “(Y/N)?” They all seem to remember that you’re there. Under the table and on the floor. Everyone stumbles down to your level, but you haven’t moved an inch.

 

“WE’RE STILL TAKING HER TO MY ROOM… RIGHT??” Blue asks, uptight for no good reason.

 

“I BELIEVE SO,” Tale remarks. Before he can do so much as lean towards you, Edge snatches you up from the ground.

 

“I SHALL CARRY HER, YOU’RE ALL TOO INCOMPETENT TO BE TRUSTED EVEN WITH SUCH A SIMPLE TASK,” he declares. Though, before he actually starts moving, he stands there for a moment, ruby eye lights fixed on you and ignorant of the skeptical looks thrown his way. You… you feel so _nice,_ even through his gloves and minuscule parts of you touching his humeri. How can he possibly describe it? Is that why they were all over you earlier? Because you're soft, and warm, and squishy? Who knew humans would feel like this and have some kind of skeletal system in them _and_ be so vulnerable all at the same time?

 

As Edge is merely standing there, dumbstruck and holding you, the others shift uneasily. Razz is somewhat bothered by this, moving begrudgingly from foot to foot and trying not to grimace and show his slow-building desperation. Not that he’s  _ actually  _ desperate or anything. Tale smiles painfully wide, something like… jealousy? The Great Papyrus shouldn’t be jealous-! But Edge didn’t have the right to just swoop in like that! Blue looks anywhere but the offending scene before him, envy stirring up within him. He’s perfectly capable of carrying you safely - maybe even more so than Edge!

 

An awkward cough shoves Edge out of his reverie. He scowls at the others behind him and wills his light crimson blush to fade away as he treads quickly in the apparent direction of Blue’s room. Which Edge knows you’ll never find appealing. It’s like Blue ate too much sugar one night and threw up everywhere, making the walls a baby blue, piling books and stuffed animals everywhere, and pieces of puzzles scattered across the room. Just thinking about it made him uncomfortable. There is no way you’re sleeping in that environment.

 

Edge suddenly tears down the hallway, his steps light and practiced, ignoring the confused and indignant babbles of the imbeciles behind him. They could never keep up with him - that’s good. He makes a few turns, winding through the expansive manor that once baffled him (even though he’d never admit it or ask for help). When he couldn’t hear the clatter of the others’ boots on the floors anymore, he slows his pace. He’s barely even winded.

 

Wait -  _ why  _ did he just do that? He stops himself abruptly, frowning down at you. Why  _ would _ he care what you woke up to? He doesn’t even like you... Right?

 

No. No, he despises you. You were eager to interact with everyone, but you were also a huge, annoying bitch. No one even knows where you came from, for fuck sakes! What if you want to kill everyone? Why is everyone else not apprehensive about you appearing here (thanks to his brother and his ludicrous shenanigans) from who knows where? What if you’re a fucking crazy psychopath that - well, actually, you already seem to be that, but at least you’re not violent. You’re LV is only 1, but you have 9 EXP and that’s hella suspicious. What exactly did you do to earn that? And it's so conveniently on the border of 2.

 

Why is he asking himself all these pointless questions he doesn’t know the answer to?

 

Maybe that’s what kept him ambling along this fucking corn maze. Maybe the answers don’t even matter. This is something new and Edge finds he doesn’t mind that as he continues towards his room. In fact, it’s quite enticing; it’s not every day that... adequate-looking and feeble women aimlessly wander around the place, albeit very controlling and gregarious and eccentric and whatever else you are. It may even be fun with you here. It’s different, and things are always the same here and back at his universe - same callous people, same mundane (but often homicidal) patrols, same tedious antics, all with unsatisfying and trifling outcomes.

 

All things aside, he throws the door open and strolls inside his bedroom, slamming it behind him.

 

He gently sets you down on the red comforter on his bed. Then he stands there for a long moment. You continue... sleeping. He continues to ponder. What's he supposed to do now?

 

\---

 

“WE HAVE TO FIND HER!!” Blue cries. “WHO KNOWS WHAT TERRIBLE THINGS EDGE COULD AND  _ WOULD _ PUT (Y/N) THROUGH??”

 

Blue leads Tale and Razz as they all sprint through rooms and hallways, trying to see if you’re in any of them. Panic levels have only risen slightly. Even though they ran as fast as they could, Edge was nowhere to be seen when they rounded the first corner.

 

Tale considers their options.“WE SHOULD REALLY CHECK EDGE’S ROOM-” but he gets interrupted, not for the first time…  Blue sure can get bossy and snappy whenever he wants something. He  _ always  _ acts like a child. And when he  _ doesn’t _ get what he wants, he sure does get perverse. Tale groans as he is being talked over and once again ruled out by him simply because he was “raised that way.” Oh God, don't even get him started on the way  _ Razz  _ often behaves.

 

“FOR THE LAST TIME, TALE. WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HIS ROOM IS (“THAT’S WHY WE ASK SOMEONE!!”) AND THAT WOULD BE WAY TOO OBVIOUS. JUST FOLLOW ME, WE’LL FIND SOMETHING VERY SOON, I CAN FEEL IT!!!” Blue says with a tinge of annoyance. Edge, being the clever and cruel skeleton he is, would be somewhere complicated, somewhere different to most likely torture you. Or worse - he's hiding you until you wake up, and when you do, he's going to try and woo you! Blue simply cannot let that happen! The way he was looking at you… He decides he rather not think about it as envy fizzles into him again along with a sense of rivalry. Must he compete against every skeleton in this mansion just for your attention?

 

“SO WE'RE JUST GOING TO RUN AROUND EVERYWHERE UNTIL WE SEE HER?” Razz asks, thinking that this whole thing is ridiculous. Even if he just came along to see what would happen to you. It’s not like he’d be missing anything else going on, so he thought he might as well tag along.

 

“OF COURSE!! WOULD YOU RATHER GIVE UP AND LET (Y/N) SUFFER??” Blue says, glancing at his edgy counterpart. He hopes that Razz isn’t  _ really _ thinking about letting you suffer, but that’s definitely a Razz thing to do. Throw despair and hardships onto others for his sick entertainment.

 

“PFFFT,” Razz rolls his eyes. Like  _ he  _ fucking cares what bad things happen to you. He’d do them himself if Edge hadn’t stolen you first. Maybe he can track him down and join him and ditch these daisies. Or just take you from him. You could live a happy life in his basement. Slim wouldn’t complain, either. In fact, he may even be thrilled to have a pet around. Razz smirks as the ideas came rolling in, full of ominous and sinister intents, each one more pleasant than the last.

 

Tale and Blue exchange a look. “Sadist,” Blue hisses to him.

 

“WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY?!” Razz stops moving and glares a hole into the back of Blue’s skull.

 

Blue halts and takes a deep breath. “NOTHING,” he smiles sickly sweet, trying to focus on the task at hand as he marches forward again. These boneheads are pushing him off the frickin edge.

 

“LOOKIE!!” Tale exclaims suddenly. He jogs ahead of the shorter skeletons and bends down in the middle of the hallway. And to think he almost overlooked the object! It’s a good thing his keen eyes can spot even hidden objects so easily. “IT’S A… ‘CHAPSTICK’?”

 

Tale looks to Blue and Razz for clarification but they seem just as perplexed as he. They shrug as they hurriedly approach to properly study the ‘ChapStick.’ “...SPEARMINT FLAVOR. SOUNDS DELICIOUS!! ALL THE WHILE IT PROTECTS AND NOURISHES THE LIPS! HOW WONDERFUL!!!!!”

 

“SO THIS IS DEFINITELY (Y/N)’S THEN,” Razz concludes. “MUST’VE FALLEN OUT OF A POCKET WHILE EDGE WAS CARRYING HER.” He takes the ‘ChapStick’ from Tale. “HOW UTTERLY FOOLISH OF HIM.” A really fucking stupid mistake.

 

“WE MUST BE CLOSE!!!” Blue marvels, tremendous cyan stars bright in his sockets. “LET’S KEEP GOING!” And with great vigor and enthusiasm, he darts down the hall while simultaneously scanning the floor for any more stray objects. He’s got to give Tale credit for that idea. Sometimes these boneheads are alright.

 

\---

 

“...ya fucker, wake up!” Something - no, some _ one _ \- kicks his side. Comic groans and swats fruitlessly at what he can only guess to be his red, edgy, I-listen-to-too-much-My-Chemical-Romance counterpart. “get out of my room!”

 

“there’s no need to act like an angsty teen that wants his mom out of his room so he can masturbate,” he mumbles nonchalantly. “...also why do i feel the compulsive need to call you ‘red’ instead of ‘edge’ like everyone has been doing since we met you because it matched your personality so well?”

 

Red grimaces, fairly bemused himself. “dunno, i woke up like that too. like it way better than ‘edge.’ don't care how it happened.”

 

Comic remembers something. He looks up at his companion, half troubled and half inquisitive. “wait, that girl was calling you ‘red’. where’s she at?”

 

“i don’t fuckin’ know. we prolly been out a few hours. ya’ve been in here long enough,” Red sneers, though that is a question he asked himself when he woke up as well. He isn’t quite sure if there’s any risk of you frivolously running around. Probably, but it's not his problem anymore. He kicks Comic again and this time he sits up, glowering at him.

 

“stop. kicking. me,” he warns darkly. Red quickly backs away and sweats nervously. Comic sighs wearily, gaze downcast, blue dusting his zygomatic bones. “i‘m not sure if i wanna run into her again.” He couldn't even begin to think of what you did to him without - oh and now his entire skull is tinting blue again.  _ Congratulations, Sans, you've successfully made yourself sexually frustrated. _ He doesn't even feel bad about it.

 

Red regains his composure and smirks. “if i see her, imma do things right. she ain't gonna take me by surprise again.”

 

He turns to the door and leaves, surprisingly confident. Comic is left alone again. He shortcuts to his room and glances around. Everything looks to be as it should. You probably weren't in here. Or anyone else for that matter. It’s not like  _ everything _ would be different just because you’re here now. Or so he hopes. This whole thing could just be a comedic skit that someone half-assed in a poor attempt to be funny.

 

He should really go back to his universe and see what the kid’s doing. Comic shrugs and flops onto his bed. They just ate at Grillby's with him, so they're probably still in Waterfall. He figures he’s got time to take a nap as his sockets start to close, and not worry about anything for just a little longer.

 

\---

 

You come to on a floor. You shield your eyes from the light and you quickly discover it's the kitchen (curse this damn kitchen!).

 

First, ow. It's like someone punched you through your skull and now it's just a dull throb. You rest wearily on the floor for a couple minutes, taking in everything for real. So you really are trapped in some kind of mansion with your favorite skeletons (are you able to go home  _ ever?? _ ). Where did everyone go, anyway? Did they really abandon you after your not-so-well thought out plan? You got out of either dying or feeling guilty for the rest of your life (or both), so that was definitely worth it.

 

Ever so slowly, you move to sit up. It's way too quiet for this skeletal environment, and it leaves you feeling slightly uneasy. Glancing around, you notice a red and brown goopy mixture immediately to your left…

 

This can only mean good things.

 

Not too far from the pile was a tin can of something. Creeping closer, the mysterious items are revealed to be chili. A pile of chili, and an open can of that chili. Rather than question this, you just survey all of the other odd things around you. The can is half empty and spilled out, not too far from the initial pile. Razz has  _ got _ to be the one up to this, that crazy bastard. Could be some kind of lame prank of his that you'll gladly take part in.

 

Then you realize the piles of chili… go somewhere? There are heaps of the stuff leading out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but you are smarter than cats.

 

You get up and follow the trail, ready for whatever may be at the end. Could be candy, could be someone trying to lead you to your imminent death, but both very possible and very fun situations.

 

It stops at what you can only guess to be Blue's room. The posters taped to the door practically scream his name. Not as loud as the actually screaming taking place inside. It suddenly ceases and a conversation replaces it, though it's too soft for you to make out. Tiptoeing closer, you carefully get right up next to the door while avoiding the chili flung carelessly on the floor and walls (seriously, what is up with the chili?).

 

The door is slightly ajar, so you take another step-- and flinch when there is more screaming and groaning. You huff in frustration and just shove the door open. Peeking inside, you see Razz, chili smeared all over his hands and rubbing it on Blue's…  _ toes?  _ You are thoroughly disturbed, but you decide to stare anyway because you're not fucked up enough.

 

Razz began slathering even more chili between Blue's phalanges, then he - oh - started licking them, then - _oh_ \- sucking them. You’re petrified as Razz - _OHH - sucks his fucking toes_ _off_. Blue shrieks in... _pain?!_ You couldn't even tell, he sounds happy at the same time, but then again he's always cheerful. Razz munched on the phalanges with a sickening cracking sound and you can't help but wonder what the _actual fuck_ is wrong with them (LET ALONE YOU WHY ARE YOU WATCHING) as he seems to swallow them and then Blue projectile vomits a bunch of pink glitter everywhere. They finally notice you, staring at you staring at them, and the air couldn't have been filled with any more awkward, palpable, horrific tension.

 

“Uhhhh, do I have the option to unsee this?” you say, regretting everything you've ever done. Razz raises a filthy hand and points at you, his eyelights mere pinpricks, then lets out the most  _ ungodly _ screeching you've ever heard. It didn't help when Blue did the same thing, and then they lunge off the bed-

 

“Fuck that sHIT! NOPE NOPE NOPE!” You take off down the hallway, faster than you've ever run in your life. “Heck!” You actually found it in you to censor yourself, even as you plummet to the floor after tripping over  _ nothing, _ and tumble forward a little bit, rolling over the funky colored carpet.

 

You let out a shrill scream. Jolting up, you frantically look around and freeze at the change of scenery. You’re… in a bed. Surrounded by glitter, enchiladas, and bananas.

 

“Oh, God, what the hell even was that dream,” you whisper, staring at all the objects around you. Hell, are you still dreaming? What kind of paradox is this? IS THIS WHOLE THING NOT REAL??

 

...You need Jesus. Right now. CAST THESE DEMONS OUTTA YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU amen.

 

“...I should really cut back on the fan fiction reading sessions,” you sigh, relaxing back into the bed and trying to fall asleep again. It's near impossible with those horrifying images burned into the back of your eyes. Also the random objects surrounding you. You're scarred for fucking  _ life _ now.

 

You just get up and move to the floor, as far away from craziness as you can get without exerting too much effort. Curling up on nothing but the clothes on your back, you close your eyes and try to sleep again, willing everything you witnessed in the past half hour to not exist and for it to be erased from time itself so no one has to have the burden of experiencing it.

 

Only a few seconds pass and you're being gently rocked back and forth. Your eyes fly open and a concerned-looking orange hoodie is hovering above you.

 

“you alright?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for that fucked-up Razz and Blue scene to my brother (dear god we need so much help)


End file.
